Has it been one of those days, or just one of those days?? Had I known when I woke up this morning that today would turn out how it did, I’m pretty sure I would have stayed in bed and not bothered resetting my alarm seven times.
This all became apparent to me as I stood at the front of room 251 of Newhouse III – forty eyes scrutinizing my every move, from rows of seats and desks cascading toward me. It was.. “dun dun DUN”… my senior portfolio review.
Don’t get me wrong, Newhouse has made me all too used to having my work ripped apart by its professors in the VIC (Visual and Interactive Communications) department. Weekly critiques of photo assignments has been my life for the past three years. But, come on.. None of us photo majors have ever stopped dreading it. Not sure I ever will.
Hey now, I’m not saying constructive criticism isn’t helpful. And I’m not saying I’m not eternally grateful for the impact that Newhouse has made on my work. I am so blessed to be able to attend one of the premiere schools for public communications in the world. I love how all my professors, past and present, make it a point to remember my name, get to know who I am, and possess a genuine care for what lies ahead of me after graduating.
Still… Today was just one of those days.
One might figure that instructors in a communications school would let us know we had a portfolio review a little more than a week ahead of time, and with a bit more specifics about what was to be included in our portfolios or the format of the review. Oh well. No one can communicate perfectly all the time. I showed up at 11AM with thumb drive in hand, and stomach in knots.
11AM. 12PM. 1PM. 2PM came and went. I watched my classmates present their work one at a time, and watched them each nod with a fake “I’m okay” smile after five professors told them they didn’t have clear vision, or that some of their work was just plain “useless.” I’m sure you can picture me sitting in the middle of the third row, grinding my teeth in fear. My heart pounding. I know.. I get worked up.
I finally got up the nerve to volunteer my turn – the third from last person to present. I had been planning what I’d say first, and it went a little something like this.. “I was under the impression that we were to bring more of a Newhouse-y portfolio, which I have. But, it is not at all indicative of what I plan to do after graduating. Therefore, I also have a second portfolio, if you’d like to see that.”
“Just get to your images,” one professor piped up. If the projector hadn’t been the only source of light in the room, I swear people would have seen me turn all shades of red.
In all honesty, I can’t say I’m proud of all the images in my Newhouse-y portfolio. And the reason: my heart’s not into it. I don’t want to shoot for newspaper.. And I don’t want to shoot for magazines. The majority of the four hours was spent mourning the fact that I’m not as well-traveled as my fellow photogs. I don’t have spectacular images of Egyptian camel herders, or Muslim men feeding pigeons (which I assure you, are indeed spectacular – props to Max and Brad). Of course I know I should be able to capture amazing images in my own backyard. But the fact is, capturing images such as these isn’t what makes me happy.. It isn’t what makes me feel fulfilled.
In case you’re wondering.. Only a third of my portfolio was deemed acceptable.
But then, I showed my “Alyse French Photography” portfolio. Photos I am proud of. Photos that make me happy. Fulfilled. And guess what? They still didn’t like them.. Go figure! At the very least, I came prepared to hear this. Prepared with mantra in my mind – “It’s not about them. It’s not about them.”
It’s about my clients. It’s about you. And it’s about me. It’s about having fun, and getting to know people, and producing quality images that clients can enjoy for forever. It’s about capturing the head-over-heels kind of love between a newly-minted bride and her husband, or between a couple preparing for that journey. It’s about the giggles shared between siblings during a family shoot. And on, and on, and on. After a good shoot, when I simply cannot wait to dump them on my Mac and begin editing, I know I’m on the right career path. I know my images matter. And that even though the Newhouse elite aren’t fond of them, some people just are.
So, that was my day. And I know I promised to be uploading a recent shoot this week. But my computer is dead, as is my precious charger. As soon as my computer is alive again though, you can guarantee it! Check back tomorrow, just in case. ;) Also, I’ve been meaning to thank those of you who follow my blog using Google Reader. For ya’ll who don’t know about this amazing tool, it’s Google’s way of allowing you to keep tabs on your favorite blogs and news sites. Check out the link above, and subscribe to http://www.alysefrenchphotography.wordpress.com to know when a new post is up!
Enjoy the rest of your weekend!